Ruth Whippman

Blending cultural criticism, memoir, and reporting from the frontlines of contemporary American boyhood, this is a humorous and heartbreaking deep dive into the complexities of raising boys in our fraught political moment.

Evidence of male entitlement and aggression is everywhere—from school shooters to incels, campus rapists to the online ‘manosphere.’ In the absolutist climate of the culture wars, feminist writer and mother of three boys Ruth Whippman can sometimes find herself conflicted and defensive, as though stranded on one side of a symbolic divide with her own children on the other. But as she comes to realize, gender politics aren’t simple. Male privilege and male vulnerability co-exist in a complex relationship; and raising boys who can challenge the confines of masculine expectations is more important now than ever.

With young men in the grip of a loneliness epidemic and dying by suicide at a rate of nearly four times their female peers, Whippman asks: What are the many cultural messages we send to boys that leave them anxious, emotionally repressed, and socially isolated? How do we raise our sons to have a healthy sense of self without turning them into entitled assholes? How can we find a feminism that holds boys to a higher standard but still treats them with empathy? And what do we do when our boys won’t cooperate with our plans?

BoyMom moves beyond simplistic, polarized thinking to uncover the myriad complex and invisible ways that systems of masculinity both harm boys and teach them to harm others. Determined to widen the possibilities for her own sons and subvert the social forces already affecting them, Whippman talks to boys of all types, as well as parents, educators, and other experts, and uncovers surprising and controversial truths about boy socialization. With humor and deep vulnerability, Whippman takes a stark look at her own parenting choices as well as wider narratives about mental health, school, sex, cancel culture, screens, popular culture, friendship, neurodiversity, and loneliness to make sense of how masculinity is constructed and experienced in our culture. In doing so, she charts a new path to help us give boys a healthier, more expansive, and fulfilling story about their lives.